on a political note......

our house, in the middle of our street.....

--tore out 2 walls
--tore our old carpet and pad

---must pull staples, take off plates and pull up carpet strip
---must paint
---must put on new countertop
---must install new dish washer, sink and faucet
---must paint cupboards
---must paint all upstairs

----must move in!

copycat trivia

from Tim M's Blog:

1) Shampoo and Conditioner - Must have both
2) Soap - body care
3) Colors - orange and lavender
4) Soda - anything diet
5) Foods - love meat and veggies
6) Movie - not often
7) Band - ennis high school band
8) Disney Character - Dori from Nemo
9) Actor - Paul Newman
10) Actress - Jody Foster
11) Video Games - Super Mario
12) Computer Games - literati/crib
13) Store - Target/Costco
14) Alcohol - none, but i do like Haake Becke or Clausthaler
15) Number - 5 and 13
16) Car - Toyota Camry
17) Book - Anything by Barbara Kingsolver
19) Website - you are on it
20) Condiment - Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing
21) Fruit - a really good orange
22) Vegetable - broccoli
23) Restaurant - yes
24) Blogger - indeed
25) Place - sometimes alone for solace, sometimes with others...

here's from meatbag and grouchy little puppy's blog-

7 things I want to do before I die:
1) Perform at the Kennedy center.
2) Not have to worry about money.
3) travel around the world
4) compose a symphony
5) see the leaves on the west coast during autumn
6) direct a stress-free concert
7) see a wolverine

7 things I cannot do:
1) go on scary rides at theme parks
2) Prove our existence
3) Bring about world peace (ditto)
4) Erase the damage the Bush Administration has done to our country (ditto)
5) make good pie crust
6) do a back hand spring
7) geometry, give me quadratic equations!

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1) intelligence: writing, speaking, math, science, music
2) confidence
3) sensitivity
4) looks
5) creativity
6) intimacy
7) Twisted sense of humor (ditto)

7 things that I say most often:
1) dang it!
2) holy smokes!
3) 1-2-1234
4) Where are my keys?
5) where is my phone?
6) tt!
7) george dog!

7 celebrity crushes:
1) Paul Newman
2) Liam Nessom (SP?)
3) George Clooney
4) ?
5) ?
6) ?
7) ?

Intensity is:

-the Viewing.
-the family.
-the other family.
-the crashed computer/powerpoint.
-my children's gut-wrenching cries.
-my bitterness.
-their bitterness.
-my sister's strength.
-my family's love.
-the anticipation of the funeral.
-the incredible self-centeredness some posess.
-the love we share.

in the midst of it all---

after brunch with ed, megs and michelle, we will go to jolene's house and be with her until the funeral on monday. after that, i will stay here until i have to take bryan and rubye to the plane in billings on tuesday, head home, sign the house papers, and then start back to school on wednesday, concert is a week from this tuesday. still in the thick of things, but jolene has been able to spend some time with bryan and laura (her kids) and that is a very good thing. they had their own private viewing of leo's body, we will go tomorrow.

we spent the evening alone, just scott, ed, megs, michelle and i. megs is leaving for the navy on 11/1, and this is our last time we will all be together. we hope to get some pics taken tomorrow, maybe in the mountains or something. but tomorrow ALL OF THE FAMILY will be together and this is a huge concern. ALL OF THE FAMILY means all the baggage and stupid bull shit my family holds deep inside. it means lashing out, being cold, blowing tempers, smoking, drinking, etc. it means not ever having the tools to work through issues, being rude and abrasive, and ganging up on each other. jolene is the most important thing right now.....being with my family and my sister, but there is the black cloud that lurks when my 2 oldest sisters get together.....they are in their natural halloween elements during this time of year!

so that is a stressor, one sister already getting into a Dubya argument with me, but we looked at each other and knew this was neither the time nor place to discuss it, blah blah blah. man, some people say the best things in their blogs, i just write and write and write all this crap....i guess it is my venting that is helping me right now, so, you are all my shoulder, whether you like it or not.

the hardest thing is to deal with the amount of SADNESS that surrounds all of us.....i can't hardly bear it. :o(

Update

Everyone keeps asking,
"How is everyone holding up?"................not well
"What can I do for you?"....................we don't even know what to do for ourselves
"Why did he do it?"...............................uhhhh that's the million dollar question, isn't it?
"Are you sure it wasn't accidental?".......sitting on bucket by the exhaust pipe, yes.
"Was there a note?"................................no
"How is Jolene holding up?".....................hard to really say, good and bad
"You look tired, you look like you've been crying?" ....uhhh, yeah
"Don't you want to go and do something for yourself?" .....i'm here for Jolene

No, the insurance is null and void because it wasn't an accidental death, no she can't afford all the payments he left her with, no, we didn't know he was depressed, what the hell do you think?????????

i know the questions and concerns are normal, natural, understandable, but THERE ARE NO ANSWERS. You can't rationalize and analyze an insane act. I think of his last living moments as committing such a hurrendous act, full of selfishness and wanting to inflict pain, but I think if Leo could, he would tell us that he is sorry and he made a grave mistake. I find solace in those thoughts.

Suicide

They found my brother-in-law in his garage last night. Leo. Leo is Jolene's husband, they had been married 14 years. He was meanie's paw paw. He had a gentle spirit. I loved him so much, so did my kids, so did those who worked with him. Jolene, as expected, is having a horrible time.

I think he looks sad.

Monday Joke

Woohoo, we only have 2 1/2 days of school this week!


Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back
to mom and dad's for the night.

In the morning, little brother Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As
he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred
and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think? "

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back
to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I
gave him my airplane glue."

Sunday Joke

BTW--I <3 DC does not mean i love dick cheney.

FOUR GHOSTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE


One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House
bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington
advises, and then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas
Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did, "Jefferson advises, and dims from
sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens
to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into
the mist.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush
pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the
country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

OMG! I'm a Socialist! lol

You can read my results and take the test...it is linked at the bottom. Then please come back and tell me your results!

You are a Social Liberal (73% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Pinion Ridge, 1969.

Summer of 1969.

Pennie (back left)--was born a triplet. David died at birth, Doug was ran over by a milk truck just before he turned 2. In this pic, she was going to be a senior, chosen to sing in Europe on a scholarship. Instead, she chose to graduated in May and got married in June to an alcoholic. Today she has 2 kids, 4 grandkids, (had) 7 husbands (that we know of), change of job, church, hair color, friends and magazine subscriptions every 6 months or so. She is living with mom, taking care of her. Tends to be bitter, brash, blows up easy, lies, changes the facts to fit her needs. Her job was to take care of us, cook, in charge of the house etc when mom worked, too much.

Lenora--going to be a junior, she graduated, went to Bob Jones University (which my parents couldn't afford) and today is an obsessive liar, the most hypocritical person I've ever met, sometimes keeps in contact with the family, sometimes pretends to "disappear", has 3 kids, one grand child, abused her children, have a christian school teaching degree (she discredits my secular education) , she is 6'1, weighs about 350 pounds, her husband is 5'6, skinny thing, drives a truck, tried to leave her several times, but she made her pastor go and drag him back home. this paragraph could go on forever. All conversations have to be about her and no matter what you've done or how sick your kids may be, she has done it, her kids are worse, etc. She lives in Tennessee. She and Beckie were abused the most by dad.

Jolene--going to be a freshman in this pic, Graduated early and got married, dad told her she was too dumb to be anything more than a house wife. She has been divorced 2 times. After counseling and finding herself and Beckie's death, she has dedicated herself to helping others. Currently, she serves as the Director of the Johnson County Family Crisis Center and is on State Boards for other like causes and programs. She has spoken about domestic violence at the State and National level. She is happily married, owns a cute little house, is the most creative and intelligent person I've ever met. She has 2 kids and 2 grand kids. She is my best friend.

Mom--one of 13 kids....raised during the depression, had to work the leased farm, 4 brothers went to war, father want to town daily and no one knew what he did, very strict mother. she was incredibly strict with us, didn't know how to handle dad's abuse and his cheating. She drank with him, but doesn't really now. She smokes an incredible amount and now experiences the little strokes in her sleep, has no short term memory and has osteo very bad. When there wasn't enough food for everyone, her sisters and her watched her brothers eat through the cracks in the walls. Boys are more important, so they have priority in eating.

Beckie--Doesn't look happy, does she? Attempted suicide at age 16, played tuba in the band, grew up strong, a very hard worker, was the first to live with a man in our family (before marriage), never talked bad about people, always looked out for her family, divorced once, remarried an abuser and was also abused by her stepson, went to nursing school, almost graduated, had made contacts to find a place to live to leave him when she graduated, was murdered with her 3 sons.

Rubye- (front right) been married several times, drinks, loves her 4 kids, lost a son to drowning 2 years ago, has 2 grandkids, has been through a lot by both choices and life's cruelties, some of it seems like drama. Her husbands have been abusive, and drank. she is the only one of us girls that wasn't abused by dad. older sisters labeled her as being "favored" and abused her. we were together all the time growing up, but sometimes she passed that abuse on to me. I think she resents me for many reasons. I've never talked to her about it. She is very good at writing and is a wonderful singer.

Ellie-Getting ready to start kindergarten. I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. I chose pukey boyfriends and my first husband was an asshole. I made it through college, took my turn at addiction to religion. I am almost opposite from how i was raised....liberal, don't go to church, like to read, don't watch tv, anti-war, am not set in any traditional rut, and will always be young at heart. i've been to a lot of counseling and am still going, i chew my fingernails and could use food as a drug if i so desired. i love attention and my cats! My children have made some really bad choices but are all on better tracks now. I believe i have a low-grade depression and have anxiety issues at times. I am afraid to stand up to authority figures because of the male-abuse and mother issues. Sometimes I am afraid to stick up for myself, sometimes I go overboard. Sometimes I would rather run than face than deal with hurting someone. I have many issues I'm working on. I seem very easy going and confident.

You all have heard some of this crap before. It's still simply amazes me how we have turned out, such a direct link from our past. If my family read this, they would be incredibly mad at me. I did go light on some of the people and probably not heavy enough on others, but today I will leave this as it. Ever since I looked at this picture and started writing this today, I have gotten horrible tension knots in my neck down to and under my left shoulder blade. This is a common occurrence when i deal with stressful situations, such as this pic. However, I'm listening to George Winston's "Winter into Spring" CD and that always helps me relax.

Pinion Ridge, 1969. A captured moment in time. We were always told we were a very loving, close family. I think there is a total of 16 divorces between mom and us girls and all but one (of 14) grandkids have been abused and divorced. When will the chain be broken?

Tonight, I wept.

The hardest thing about being a teacher is losing your seniors. Oh, I know, I know. They all grow up, they need to move on. But it's still so hard to say "goodbye". Here are Melissa and Cassie. They were sophomores when I first came, now they are seniors. They are growing into two beautiful, mature young ladies. Tonight they sang the Star Spangled Banner at the last home Volleyball Game. I had no idea until yesterday that they were even going to do this. They approached me after choir and asked if I would listen to them. They had made up their own harmonies, changed the quality of some of the chords and their performance for the class was a bit weak. I was a bit concerned, especially with the added pressure of a packed gym and their nerves. Their intonation was great, but the guts and gusto seemed to be lacking.

Tonight, the announcer introduced them and it started... "Oh, say, can you see......" and the tears began to swell in my eyes. I heard little "mm"s from the crowd once in a while as they belted out the most glorious rendition I've ever heard. I couldn't stop crying. The crowd applauded, and i started down the bleachers and the steps (I was on the upper deck) and met them half way. They looked at me, "Ms. Creek, how did it sound?" I just shook my head and grabbed them and began to cry, and I mean the kind of cry that you can't stop. "Oh, Ms. Creek, we love you!" All I could muster was, "I'm so proud of you two." and I wouldn't let them go. I only have them for 7 more months and they will be gone. But these memories will be forever ingrained in my auditory memory...those beautiful pure tones, the sweet harmony, the "mm's" in the audience....thank you girls. I love you too.

The New Me

Like Meanie, I've decided to go on vacation and right now I think I'll go to the beach. Don't you like my new swimming suit? It took a very very long time to pick it out.

Let me know when Bush is out of office, I'll be back.....but leave a comment if you wish, I'll probably answer.....you know how I am!