Live

I am far above the reasons for which my marriage is ending.

Dead Inside.

December 1st.

This is the first year I haven't been in the Christmas spirit since my dad died in 1981. It's crazy.

Life is a...

Doodles is 9 Months Old Today!

And on this particular Thanksgiving Day, I'm thankful for my sobriety, otherwise I'd be a horrible mess this year!

Trying to stay strong

means allowing myself to cry, get angry, drop the f-bomb once in a while.
means staying busy and focusing on aspects in my life that I have control over.
means not dwelling and talking of the things that hurt so bad or make me mad.
means, best of all, appreciating my own family. My kids have been wonderfully supportive.

It Is What It Is

Divorce and the Grief Cycle

by admin on April 19th, 2010

Scott A. Holzman, PhD
Licensed Psychologist, Divorce Coach, Child Specialist,
and Parent Coordinator
11055 Little Patuxent Parkway, Suite 201
Columbia, Maryland 21044
(410) 491-6316
website: scottholzmanphd.com

References:

The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the emotions so you and your children can thrive by Robert E. Emery, PhD (2004)

Collaborative divorce: The revolutionary new way to restructure your family, resolve legal issues, and move on with your life by Pauline H. Tessler, M.A., J.D., and Peggy Thompson, PhD (2006)

The following outline is adapted from Robert Emery’s book.

A. The Grief Cycle of Divorce

• Divorce-related grief does not move in a straight line in one direction.
• People tend to cycle repeatedly through a three-part phase consisting of love, anger, and sadness.
• Typically, love, anger, and sadness are experienced intensely and only one emotion at a time though in sequence.
• Over time, the intensity of the feelings begin to lessen and the cycles of each emotion begin to blend.
• The overlapping of emotions results in a more realistic, less emotionally painful view of the divorce.
• When the blending of emotions does not occur, people get stuck in one emotional cycle or another.
• Someone who gets stuck on love may deny the reality of the breakup and pine for reconciliation.
• Someone caught up in anger will act out of vindictiveness and a need for revenge.
• Those who are mired in sadness will assume an exaggerated and unrealistic sense of responsibility for what has occurred.

B. The Many Functions of Anger

• Anger as an emotional cover-up.
• Anger helps us deal with pain.
• Anger can cover up fear.
• Anger can be a way of keeping people in contact, of trying to bring them back together.

C. The “Leaver” and the “Left”

• From a time standpoint, the leaver is often significantly ahead of the one left.
• The leaver usually has a vision of the future, a future outside the marriage.
• At a more comfortable pace, the lever has already begun cycling through the love-anger-sadness of divorce grief and may be beyond the most dramatic ups and downs of individual emotions.
• The partner being left has not emotionally begun to take the first step on the divorce cycle of grieving.
• The leaver and the left are literally in different places of their grief.

D. The Crucial Work of Setting Boundaries

• Boundaries are the rules of relationships and managing the relationship with a partner with whom you are separating from necessitates setting new boundaries.
• Boundaries prevent confusion by letting people know where they stand in a relationship- where in your life they may enter and where they may not.
• Frequently, starting with a more “businesslike relationship” can be a way to start new and safe boundaries.
• The most cooperative coparenting relationships have very clear rules.
• They remain cooperative relationships because the parenting partners respect those rules and each other’s boundaries.

This is what I need, today.

And this video is what prompted me getting out! So nice to get some fresh autumn air!

I Believe I can Fly ( flight of the frenchies). Trailer from sebastien montaz-rosset on Vimeo.

Good Times!

Relaxing with Gramma
"Fish lips!" Gorgeous floor in their new home - built in 1910! Gramma's piano in the back ground.
Visiting with gramma while she unpacks boxes in the new kitchen.
Mmm
Funny Bunny and learning the piano!

Teyla, in Kindergarten!

Visiting with Gramma!

(after eating her mixed berries and cereal)

Got this from Beth Ann, an English teacher.

The American language is extensive and complex, yet is one of the easiest to

learn. It is the international language for sea and air navigation which comes in a 1500 word package. You use only about 600 words on the phone and maybe 3500-5000 in your overall vocabulary out of the million or so available.

According to....George Carlin... We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and there would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it? f teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship... We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language In which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out, And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing........... If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.??????

My Girls

are such identical twins, holy smokes.

Visiting Aurora

JUST

THINK PINK

Happy 26th birthday, girlie girls!

Miss you mom and dad!

Darwin Creek 1928-1981.

A Butterfly

picture, much like this, was taped to Megan's hospital door. This precious creature signified the evolving tragedy.

Aurora's Great Great Aunt!

We had a very enjoyable day with my sweet Aunt Goldie, age 87.
I was afraid I couldn't see Auntie this summer since my feet wouldn't allow me to drive! But 2 weeks before school, I was able to spend 9 days with Cathy and Aurora. And one of those days we were able to see Auntie Goldie. I cherish every moment with her!
And she enjoyed my little grand daughter...her great, great niece!

*pics from phone as I STILL don't have my camera battery charger*

Back!

I can finally get my shoes on!

Saving Money!

HERE"S what husband has been up to while I've been taking care of my grand daughter for the past 9 days!

Family Tree - Mostly of my Grandmother and her mom and grandmother!

1860 - My great great grandmother Haukaufer with her mother Anna Honson.
1920 - Grandma Rubye and her sister, Violet.
My grandma Rubye, Ray (?) and her grandmother.
Grandma's sister, Esther and Clifton Crews.
1924


My great grandfather, Bill Walker, daughter Violet and family.
Great Aunt Violet and her daughter, Gloria.
Risque!
Esther, Violet and Grandma Rubye - sisters!